


Children of (Canadian) Earth

by norabombay



Category: Schitt's Creek, The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alexis Rose was a regular attendee at Oculto and a natural magician, Crack Crossover, David Rose once snorted fairy bone by accident but never ever tell him, Gen, No Roses were harmed in the making of this fic, unbetaed but probably for the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 17:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19300234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norabombay/pseuds/norabombay
Summary: Becoming the High King of Fillory with only knowledge of 1990's television and Patrick Swazye movies? Eliot Waugh wasn't the first. The Rose Siblings got there about a decade earlier."Gross, David- there's a skeleton on the throne"





	Children of (Canadian) Earth

For seven hours in 1994, eleven year old David Rose and his six year old sister were the High King and High Queen of Fillory. Turned a wrong corner on the mansion, chased each other through what they thought was the garage, and boom.

Fillory looked a lot like Vancouver, which helped.

They walked alongside a pebbled lake, “I’ve got a rock in my SHOE, David. Tie it for me”, demanded Alexis.

“Why don’t you get Adelina to do it for you?” asked David, paying no attention to her.

“She’s not here David!”

And with that realization the Rose siblings looked around and realized that they were completely alone together, on the shore of a lake that was not the ski lodge in Banff they had started from.

Luckily, after only a minute or two more walking, they came across an elderly man hunched over a sword.

  
“Children of Earth, are you here to take your place as the High King and Queen of Fillory?” asked the man, who looked a lot like the old knight at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, a movie the Rose children had watched repeatedly in their home theater.

  
“You”, he said as he pointed a gnarled hand at David. “You must answer these questions to prove you are the true king”.

  
“I’m just a kid. I’m not sure…” mumbled David. Luckily for plucky Canadian children, David had seen not only every episode of Wings, but was intimately familiar with the works of Patrick Swayze, in a way he was only a couple of years from understanding.

  
Alexis was really good at shouting “Nobody puts Baby in a Corner,” while making cat clawing gestures.

  
-  
An hour later, overly large crowns in hand, they were delivered to Castle Whitespire. It was creepy and looked suspiciously like the castle from Sunset Bay. Moira had spent six weeks as the Evil Queen there once, and Adalina had brought them to set.

  
“Greetings your majesties, welcome to Fillory. Your throne room awaits. I am Tick Pickwick, your guide”. Tick didn’t look old enough to be a guide, but sure.

  
They started to poke around the throne room, covered in dust. “What happened to the last High King?” asked David. It looked like everyone in the cleaning crew had quit in the middle of a party. That had happened at David's 9th birthday, and it had been horrible. 

 

Before Tick could answer Alexis yelled “Gross David! Look at this. It’s a skeleton just like in the Goonies”.

  
David Rose had seen the Goonies 27 times, compelled to watch Josh Brolin in a way that he would again, figure out later. Nothing good came of dusty skeletons in odd places. He grabbed Alexis with one hand and stole her crown with another.

  
“Mr. Pickwick, we need to go home now. Here’s the crowns” David held them out.

  
“But David! I don’t wanna go home. I wanna be a Queen!” Alexis was trying to bite him, but the recent loss of her front teeth mean she was woefully short of leverage. She was reduced to gnawing on his wrist.

  
“Return us now, or I will have to call the consulate, and my father will...”

David hadn’t got half way through his threat when a bubble popped, and he found himself holding nothing but a bitey Alexis, in what looked like their playroom. The SNES was right where he left it that morning, Donkey Kong Country ready to go. Nothing was dusty.

  
–  
The Rose siblings never talked about their brief interlude in Fillory, but a decade later when David started to run in a crowd with a number of hedge witches, he played deliberately obtuse. He also hooked up with Eliot Waugh future High King of Fillory at a party, a decade after that. That hook up was merely coincidence and had a lot more to do with cocaine than magic.

Alexis spent the summer playing High Queens and stabbing imaginary skeletons. with a fancy prop knife she had stolen from somewhere.  Eventually Alexis recived an invite to Calgary's magic school, but turned it down, because “Math, David”.  She did become a regular at Oculto, and picked up a few Hedge tricks. Alexis refused to get any tattoos, as it didn't make sense to let people know you could start a fire with your mind -before- they imprisioned you. 

  
Schitt's Creek turned out to be a far more compelling, and slightly better plumbed kingdom. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is straight up crack, but I keep thinking of the Roses and how, if magic comes from pain, they would certainly qualify. If either of them was willing to do the math. They are key Fillory material, especially if you consider that for a magical kingdom it has a pronounced tropism for Canadians.


End file.
